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blush

by cowfisH

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1.
blush 03:45
one day i’m going to find me a way to put a stop to those moments tripping over my tongue i have sung, after all anything that i want but still cannot simply say i feel good about us i am caught up in the rush of you feel so good about us oh hell i get too nervous to blush one time, just one time i would like to melt into seduction with eloquent prose i have strode centre stage quite at home in that light so why oh why can’t i say i feel good about us …etc maybe i’ll laugh out loud right back at my self-imposed profound denials of lack of lily-tongued hand-me-down beguiling wiles one way or another i’ll take my chance when it comes and paralysis fails ‘cause i’ve played rock and roll turned up one more than ten but stumbled when i have to say i feel good about us …etc
2.
burning all the photographs you proudly once displayed of trophy days you hoped would last have turned to ash again memories of plastic bags scattered by the door of summer nights, have ripped to rags the have-to-haves and more but you’re still strong and you won’t be unhappy for long you are the most beautiful song you are the most beautiful song everything is hidden from view until you open your eyes and see all that’s missing for you is to choose what to do with your life simple means too good to be true and the hardest decision to make so just trust in yourself, your own judgment, and do whatever it takes to escape but you’re still strong…etc
3.
scatterbrain 05:23
finding hiding places in winding inner spaces mystery is receding history is repeating do you want to be another faceless ghost choked up with half memories miss-remembered quotes do you - is that really what you want to do do you - is that really what you want to do beat the drum no use feeling numb you scatterbrain with lips like sugarcane ah taste a little bit of desire and let the fire in your life grow a little bit higher you scatterbrain you scatterbrain you scatterbrain you scatterbrain hearing echoes caressing nearly second guessing tasteless innuendos graceless as whipping posts so don’t you want to catch the tiger by his whiskers kiss the beast release your courage ride the risk there don’t you - know that’s really what you want to do don’t you - know that’s really what you want to do beat the drum …etc
4.
17 years 02:29
17 years or ceasefire living with the knowledge that the truce wasn’t solid and one day she’d go haywire a knock at the door or a cruel phone call saying guess what believe it or not i’m coming right back to take all you’ve got i’d almost forgotten why i felt so rotten well she still gets heavy ‘til she’s taken the lot she’s coming ready or not her determination to wallow in the horror like a poorly written opera is just bitter fermentation of imaginary sores and evening the score when she says guess what …etc but i can only give ‘cause i want to live and let live 17 years of grieving got too real too fast to heal but i never stopped believing that the pain would fade if she stayed away guess what …etc
5.
bright stars 03:15
looking through the veil of unborn tears seeing familiar sights we chase we make the sum of all our fears some wrong, some right all we’ve done is who we are it’s good to be alive and we’ve become our own bright stars it’s good to be alive dancing to the rhythm of our syncopated friendships teasing music from the hidden, often imitated spheres, believing all we’ve done is who we are …etc we are twisting, coiling wildly caught betwixt the unknown’s darkness fiercely burning guiding our way through the labyrinth of celebrations bliss holding hope in our hearts like a beacon revealing who we are it’s good to be alive all we’ve done is who we are …etc
6.
grief 04:18
while the parlour-house professor takes confession of the priest who’s admitting to the wrecking of the souls that he released there are whispers of his wickedness like a shroud of silent screams set on the press to manifest their contagion of the weak all debts and loves are paid in full when the ship is put to sea to sail beyond the sunset discovering belief is just the same old grief now the drunken dogs are on the scent of the bloodied children groomed those penny-paper trouble makers have salt for every wound like posey-nosey doctors always ready with the leech to let ill humours out to drench their filthy, inky paper sheets all debts and loves are paid in full …etc
7.
low 05:08
i, i’m going to go slow with you ‘cause i, i want to go low with you to reach the place i’m singing is a precious thing to give me your voice entwined ‘round mine has encouraged me to try to catch those shy eyes hiding behind a veil of gold and though nothings been decided i already seem to know the sunshine of your brilliant smile so i, i’m going to go slow with you ‘cause i, i want to go low with you so i, i’m going to go slow with you ‘cause i, i want to go low with you the passion of your breath felt familiar and i guessed the magicks that our host dealt would tickle ‘til i tried to catch those shy eyes hiding behind a veil of gold …etc low with you low with you i’d go so low with you know that i’d take it slow that moment was forever first time singing together shall we agree in hindsight that i was wise to try to catch those shy eyes hiding behind a veil of gold …etc
8.
high on life 04:04
it’s not too late to save yourself from the madness which you weave around yourself like motley armour a cloak of poisoned dreams what you assumed that you were losing was the greatest gift to give the side-effects of conscience is being loved for how you live high on life so rise up flying high on life you fear to fall from where you hang on hooks of dull desire an angry child who misunderstood alchemy of leaf and fire what you assumed that you were losing …etc friendships are still within your reach if you’d trust in their belief and let your ragged reputation fade and to graciously agree what you assumed that you were losing …etc
9.
go go girl 02:12
you’re a sweet little go-go dancer but i’m going to take a chance to say go-go girl go on and sing us a song go-go girl you know that’s where you belong you’re a model of still-life beauty the venus of an easel’s dream go-go girl …etc revelations rarely come this one exploded as you sung you touched me unexpectedly come on so go-go give me a song you’ve got the face of a celluloid angel and everybody sees your grace yet go-go girl …etc
10.
she’s a little moto guzzi girl with kohl-black eyes and skin like pearl that little moto guzzi girl she likes the way her engine throbs as her skinny fist twists the throttle that always in a hurry girl and if you can find her to spend a little time beside her you might not like her ‘cause she’ll never ever let you outride her that oh so funny little moto guzzi girl she’s a little moto guzzi girl in a supple weathered leather world that little moto guzzi girl she loves it as she slips her clutch and feels the power, feels the rush that won’t ever know a worry girl and if you can find her …etc she won’t want to live forever ‘cause she’s too busy living right now she believes in never surrender and she won’t look back ‘cause she don’t allow regrets to own her in any damn town that little moto guzzi girl she’s a little moto guzzi girl blows with the wind where no-ones heard that little moto guzzi girlshe needs to feel that she can fly on endless roads under empty sky that making her own story girl and if you can find her …etc
11.
i keep catching hints in mirrors momentary glimpses of my own extinction these incoherent echoes an indistinct conclusion suggesting an ascension from conflicted fears and hopes and loves to a final anonymity of absolute condition of unknowing sublimation cessation of ambition a complete and humbling admission that for a little while i existed quite alone burning for an inconsequential instant i flickered once only once unique without the substance of effect to become the rarefied symptom of entropy’s attrition returning all i am of constituents and thoughts i will be ended making way making way i got to stop thinking i got to stop thinking i got to stop thinking i got to stop thinking

about

2014 Remixed & Remastered version.

credits

released October 23, 2010

Uilleand Music vcbd049

performed by Tim O’Connor with:

Hayley Garrod bass guitar on ‘low’

produced by toc
recorded at Plane Sound Studios 2009
mixed and mastered at Uilleand Music October 2010

all songs © Tim O’Connor 2010

remixed and remastered at Bywater Studios for Uilleand Music 2014

cover photography by viceversa robbi

buddamask by toc
cover design by MTD

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all rights reserved

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about

cowfisH Hull, UK

Formed in Yorkshire, UK during the early nineties cowfisH have released 20 albums.

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